the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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