If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
