Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
