my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
