1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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