From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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