All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
