you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
