So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
