??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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