Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
