a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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