Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
