i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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