I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
