So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Come see our sink grown plant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
