Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
