Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
