Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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