And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
