Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
