I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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