I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
