Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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