In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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