It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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