Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
