i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
