you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
