I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
