Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
