The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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