I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
