I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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