Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
