The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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