it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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