its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
