oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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