remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
