sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
