dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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