I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
