I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
