You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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