How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
