I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
