Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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