It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
