Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
