I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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