i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
