I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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