They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i need to put some appletini on your dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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