I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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