matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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